This project is about the countries in Europe who have been influenced by the communism. Who are the border between Europe and Russia. Some of them recently joined the European Union others are in the run to be a member state. One thing they have in common is that they are all seeking for a better future within the borders of Europe.
"I don't think it was meant to happen this way. I was not suppose to grow attached. It felt so liberating to fly around like a bird. Taking crumbs of bread from here and there. Not settling in the same place twice. Yet that first time I left you, I knew something was off. I left so much behind. I forgot to hold back the tears. I was no longer willing to share you with others. Every day, I crave the feeling of that harsh, icy wind of yours, I remember how your rain washed away my sins, I miss how you shut my mouth with just one gaze. There, among your fields of lava and moss is where I shall someday lay my roots." Marusa Pirnat, Ljubljana..
Today i brought her for a long walk. I needed to be alone, stop thinking and overthinking about things I can’t change. Because that’s what I do lately all the time: worry about things. What if something won’t go the way I want it to. What if my expectations won’t meet the reality. Then what?
I keep turning back to the past. Mistakes, wrong decisions…. what would happened if I made something differently. But it is the past. And it remains in the past. Somewhere I saw “Don’t look back, you’ll miss what’s in front of you”. And I try to look forward. Just because the past taps on your shoulder doesn’t mean you have to pay attention to it. Move forward. Live the life. Experience. Make mistakes. Just….fucking…live. Not that I believe that this is my only chance. I know that I am here now and will turn back over and over and over again. Just as I did before. But every single lifetime feels like an another given opportuity. I don’t want to just throw it away.
Growing is painful. There’s no doubt about it. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere where you don’t belong.
Didn’t I mention that I wanted to stop overthining? But what to do when it keeps hitting over and over again. I am stuck somewhere I don’t belong. I feel like being put in a cage and even if I see the doors getting open, I am afraid to fly away. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being hurt more that I have already been. But isn’t even that the simple “living”?
Oh yes, the walk. I love the nature. I love it when I feel the sun caressing my face. Breeze coming from the water on my skin. I touch the fresh grass as I sit on it. Smelling the soil, trees, I listen to buzzing everywhere around me. She is happily laying next to me, in the shadow. No one around. Sometimes I think what it would be like to be completely alone on the whole planet. It’s sorta what it feels like when I go out very soon in the morning, before the sun goes up. It’s silent. Peaceful. Clean, like the world is new. Like, you can build a new one if you want to.
The night is different. When I leave at weird times, like 4-5 in the morning, it’s still dark but it’s different. The mood is different. Silent and calm. Safe place. I feel safe. I know that I am not not alone because I feel life everywhere around me, but it is not overwhelming like during the days when everywhere you look at there is someone. Like insects….running, buzzing, breathing, yelling….. and I feel out of place. People are overwhelming sometimes. Usually. I feel like I have to hide in order to remain me, or remain faithful to myself. Not only I am not fitting in. I don’t want to fit in. An another wise quote: if nothing else, Tetris taught me that if you fit in, you disappear.
Disappearing is perfectly fine, but we can only disappear from the eyes of this world. Be unseen, live under…ground. Beyond the mundane. I can understand they like it because they see it everywhere. I understand that sheeps like to feel safe, they like to be together. They probably like that there is someone above them who takes care of them and all they need to to is just have to go with the herd. It’s comfortable. You don’t really need to worry about much.
And here we are at the beginning. I apparently like to worry. Think and fantasize. Dream and wake up. Hope and get burnt. Because if we don’t try….how can we obtain anything? Trial and error….over and over again…because once it will have to work out. There’s no other way around. Once all the pieces will fit into the puzzle and everything will make sense. And the picture will be beautiful and as perfect as can be.
Lilith Delacourte, Bratislava.
"I always wanted to escape from the poverty.
My parents tried to give me the best education, to raise me as an individual. But there were always these little talks about the lack of money in my family and I hated that.
That's why I moved to another country when I was 17 years old. I was looking for the better life. I cannot tell I am the richest person now. Still too young. But I am working hard to prove to myself that I am that person in the whole family who is going to make a change. My life experience makes me rich. I met so many people, I had so many jobs, I lived in a few countries for awhile. I am sure that I will be able to fight with anything that stands on my way. Sometimes I think how my life would like like, if I had stayed in my hometown. It would be so simple but I would regret not trying something else.
I am very happy person. I do have a strength.
I became a parent for myself, the best friend.
I am very cynical towards people who complain about their life. Not because I think I had worse problems, but because I believe we all can make a change,become better. Everybody can chose to be happy. Working hard,learning,being empathetic - it helps to keep yourself happy."
Maria Kislykh, Krakau
"What makes me happy everyday is creativity and exchange of good energy with other people. Feeling to be the part of sth bigger than me. Be true and honest with yourself. What makes me sad is the inability to pursue of what is who I am. Lack of love and lack of trust with myself. I think almost everyday of my goals here. I would like to find the inner piece. I am intuitive and go after my feelings. Have nothing to lose as I experienced to many losses so far. If I would choose now I would probably move to France and study choreography there. I love theatre, literature, writing, movement. My plans for future – I hope to continue my path. And I hope to find more love. Just a selfish desire to be loved more. I am looking forward to what is waiting for me." Anna Paszek, Warsaw.
"My plans for life do not go further then few months. I'm at the point of my life where I have trouble to define myself. I have a helpless feeling that Im not having a lot of controll of myself or my life. Feeling like a 'prisoner' becuase of my current complicated relationship with my family and work, In result I feel burn out and not many things are able to pull me out from this state.
I feel more like observer of life, separted with glas/window from real life.
Most of my days are filled with work, and feeling to be overloaded with it. I get up with thoughts, questions if I will be capable to fill all those tasks on time. A lot of stress and pressure are the everyday reality in corporation. But on the other hand I get paid well and I dont have to worry if my salary will be paid on time. I'm aware a lot of poeple struglle with makes and meet and delays of payouts. They get just enough to live but to much to die. Money shouldn't be that important in life but everybody needs to pay for roof over his head.
Im happy when I find one hour for myself each day. What really pulls me out from everyday rutine are interesting people, who Im lucky to meet. Krakow gives the best oportunity to meet them. They are artists like actors, photographers, singers, incrising number of forigners, who work in Kraków or visit Krakow. They are an inspisring source of different points of view, they bring ideas that its possible to live diffrent and to see world different." Barbara Zmijan, Krakau.